Yah, after my week started out really crappy, it got gradually better, and better until it was awesome xD!
something particularly awesome happened to me on thursday, when i went to the post office and... FINALLY GOT MY CHRISTMAS/BIRTHDAY DOLLY! yay >w<~~~ !!

she is incredibly pretty and has such an attitude... my first impression was: wow, what a diva... then she kicked me (because her body is pretty tightly strung) and i thought... what a bitch. so she's my diva bitch now x3~~ ...

ANYWAYS! i went to the post office thursday around five and had to carry the package around me for two hours, because i still had to attend my latin class... i was supposed to meet darya at her place afterwards so i just took the package with me...
i probably creeped her out a lot when i just couldn't wait and hat to open the box in her room *lol*... (well, at least she seemed to have had some fun popping the bubble wrap xD.)

SO... perpare yourself for being amazed and let me introduce to you the little goth bitch diva Prilly.

( Boxopening and some posing <3 )

And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
It's thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away and I am missing you to death~



seriously. fuck you and your ancestors to the 8th generation <___<;;!! (yesterday i learned, that this is a very hardcore insult in china. i think it's awsm <3.)

ANYWAYS! today sucked so much, i can't even begin to describe it... i didn't really expect today to be a good day in the first place... some of you may know that tuesday is, has always been and will always and in all eternity be my arch nemesis. BUT today really was extraordinarily crappy.
so. i got up at 5:30 to be able to prepare myself for my japanese language course. bad start already. i climbed down my bunk bed and hit my head on the wall... DON'T ASK! i have no idea how i managed to do this. but it hurt. SO... i tried to switch my lights on because as you can imagine it was pretty dark around that time which isn't really a good precondition for studying japanese signs.... SO i tried to switch the lights on and in THAT INSTANT... both light bulbs burned out. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BY THEN THAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A CRAPPY DAY.

ever optimistic me just shrugged it off and tried memorizing kanji by what little light my laptop is radiating... my eyes still hurt. BUT i managed to memorize all required kanji AND to translate both texts we were supposed to prepare by 7:30... class started at 8am, so i rushed to get ready, hit my head on my desk (again.) and hurried to the tram station.....
...
... just to find that the system had broken down and no trams were scheduled for the next hour.............. SO i went back into my room. just to sit around for half an hour before heading back to the station... i reached my class an hour late... fortunately, we have A and B classes, because there are too many students for just one, and i was able to attend the B class at 10am.
so far so good, i was pretty well prepared and everything, BUT my professor seemed to have a slight dislike for me today and just didn't seem to take any notice of my attendance, even tho i kept raising my arm to answer the questions................ THE HECK!! 

after that i went to my next class and just spaced out in there... left a little early and went to wait infront of the cafeteria for about five minutes until i realized that i wasn't supposed to meet anyone there today. just out of habit and without thinking i was standing there and waiting for darya, for we usually have lunch together on tuesdays. (which actually is the only positive thing about those days... just not today.)

so, after i realized that i was standing there like an idiot, i just went home. missed my tram by an inch ... twice...

when i arrived back at my dorm, i tried to get some more sleep, BUT some idiots seemed to be in the process of some major renovation so i was accompanied by the sound of drillers goring holes into some walls very close to my room...
needless to say that i didn't manage to sleep just one minute.

anyways, i had to leave again because i still had my latin class at 5:45... which sucks majorly in any aspect. once i got there, i found out that our professor was absent. without telling anyone... he just didn't show up <__<;; ... so i went home again and got some fast food to celebrate my fantastic day.

that's it.
i'm gonna creep under my blanket now before more awesome things happen to me.
cheers.

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now." they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now!" but we'll stay~


wow, i hate mondays. (and tuesdays too, but that's a different story and i'm really looking forward to tomorrow... except... not.)
mondays suck so much... and not in a good way. i was stuck in a traffic jam for THREE FUCKING hours... *rant*

anyways, i'm tired as hell, i need to memorize two dozen kanji AND translate two pages of japanese writing for tomorrow morning 8am. and i do not think that i'll be able to do that. i'm really, really tired. *whines* maybe i'll just go smeep and get up a little earlier tomorrow and.... blech. i hate mondays... and tuesdays.


wednesday is defintely going to be great, tho <3.


my mom got me a bonsai for my birthday. LOL. such an awesomly great idea, really. i can literally see, feel and hear it dieing already. it's gonna be exciting to watch how long it can survive in the struggle with death, harhar.

i want to go see doctor parnassus (or however it's spelled.) ... johnny looks great in the trailers x3.

and uh... yeah. seems like i successfully completed my "i need to avoid studying at any cost"-entry, yayers.

SO.
german only entry.

( beschäftigungstherapie <3 ) 

Und der Himmel... hat sich langsam gedreht...

Hol der Teufel meine Seele
Ich will zu Dir zurück...



So, my birthday this year... was pretty awesome.
thinking back, i honestly can't say that there has ever been a better one <3. i'm sort of biased this time, tho. xD

so i'm 22 now and one should think that i've finally taken the step into adulthood. but i did not. i must have missed it again and i can't say i'd mind.
my birthday started one day early this time when mika and i went to the movies on wednesday to watch avatar (again). somehow, everytime we get to see each other, we end up going to the movies xD. but that's alrite, because it's always fun whatever we're doing x3.
anyways, mika gave me a chess set. an awesome chess set in slytherin colours <3 <3! i really adore it x3, thank you, neh minka <3!

next day started out pretty good, too :3... i got a balloon from a friend. a heart shaped, glittering hello kitty balloon that i tied to my bag and everyone gave me weird looks when i was running through the university xDDD. i went to have lunch in a japanese restaurant with two friends >w<.
it sort of sucked that i had to sit in my latin course until 7pm, but oh well, can't be helped... ANYWAYS, after that i went to darya and spent a wonderful evening there. ( >////////< ) i love it when she cooks for me even tho i actually didn't want her to stand in the kitchen for me.
she gave me two tickets for la traviata and i can't wait to see it, even tho i have NO IDEA what to wear lol.
and she also gave me a white rose, which is almost even more awesome. i love recieving flowers <3 <3 <3.

( look at the prettiness <3 )
so... yearrr. i got the red ones from my sister today <3.



my parents are gonna be coming home in a couple of hours x3. they promised to treat me to sushi tomorrow evening, so i have something to look forward to :3!

so yeah, all in all a pretty awesome birthday that isn't quite over yet x3. i'm still waiting for my birthday present doll, she's being shipped right now so she should be here by next week. >w<
i'm excited x3!!

Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place.
And if I stared too long,
I'd probably break down and cry...
...
Her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place,
Where as a child I'd hide.
And pray for the thunder and the rain
To quietly pass me by...



rite now, i'm sitting in my room in the 24th story and i'm staring out of my window unto the city that lies quietly beneath me. it's neither a peaceful nor a pure sight. it just looks cold and dirty and lifeless.
i'd love to be able to write that cologne right now is a beautiful winteresque fairytale. but it's just not. at least i can't see it that way. it is just so freakin cold. the icy wind seems to blow everyone's happy thoughts away, the slippery ground brings determination to fall.
i just want to hide under my blanket all day, it seems as if the winter doesn't want to end this year.

it's a pretty strange feeling, i usually really like this time of the year. i love snow and i'm actually pretty fond of the cold. just this time, it's so very different and i can't seem to put my finger on the reason for that.


i went to visit a friend yesterday because she wanted to make dinner for me and after that watch alvin and the chipmunks1 together. even tho i got there at around 8pm (after she had to pick me up because the tram wasn't working thanks to some idiot who was unable to drive and managed to park is car on the tracks. thank you.) and actually wasn't planning on staying that long, i only made it home at around 2am +_+. thus i'm going on a very small sleep reserve.
anyways, we ended up just talking for four hours, about some pretty deep and some pretty ridiculous things. i'm not really good with words when i'm actually talking to someone, neither face to face not over the telephone. it's far easier for me to write stuff down, i think i'm not capable of expressing myself around others.
this is the reason why i stopped talking right in the middle of our conversation, when she asked me what was up with that person i wrote that message to (i posted about that on october 25th)... i just refused to answer and to think about it, because if i did, i'd probably have started crying. (so, you're likely to read this, and i do apologize. but don't ask me again about that, because i will not be able to answer.)

however, i believe i will be able to give somewhat of an answer here. not a too detailed one, tho.
i did get an answer. she replied on december 17th. i'm glad she did, but i did not jump out of my window, obviously. in fact i was so glad that i finally, after all this time, got some words from her that were meant only for me, that i randomly started crying during the next week, i just couldn't stop thinking about it and repeating the words in my head. it was a completely overwhelming feeling and i didn't expect it to be still that strong.

last night you said it i was probably seeing something in that person that doesn't hold true. and that i would most likely not really have loved the person but the mere picture I had of her in my head.
i don't know if you're right but i'd like to believe you're not.
and even if you are, would it be wrong to love that way?

i had a great time that evening, thank you :3.


... right now the sky is so very much lavender coloured <3.

You say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's"
She said, "I think I remember the film
and as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's one thing we got."


wow, the last days have been so very lazy and i really don't know how i'll be able to start going to university again on wednesday. do not want.
and on top of that, exams are rapidly approaching and i have no idea how i'm supposed to pass the japanese language course exam this semester!! *freaks* ... O____O!! studying sucks. and i just can't find motivation to do anything, no matter how much i search for it.

on a brighter note: i ordered another ball jointed doll for christmas+birthday and it's supposed to be shipped out on january 19th :3! that's only two more weeks >w<!! 

there's also another thing rapidly approaching. my birthday. i'm gonna turn 22 soon. don't know if i should be happy about it, tho xD. i've been feeling very old lately.

Anyways, i had a very merry christmas this year, i got some new clothes and was able to spent a couple of days with my family :3! new years was pretty awesome this year, as well.

uuuhm, what else... oh yeah, i've seen avatar twice. and it was amazingly great. x3 i love blue people xD. and i loved the whole scenery. and even tho the story was not very original, it was kind of overwhelming to see how human kind brought destruction upon those peaceful people.

so. this is pretty much it... let's see what 2010 holds for me °^°.

Honey so sweet~ Shinjite hoshii
Kono sekai ga uso demo~!!



okay, so here's a survey buns made for me ages ago. °-°;; germanz only

Kiss me Goodbye into the Night
Like a Phantomrider
I'm dying Tonight

Promises are scratched so deep
Into Your empty seat...

Leave me alone
Phantomriders always die on their own...



So, yeah, here we go again :3. I took the free weekend as an opportunity to dwell in my most nostalgic and melancholic thoughts. So I stayed up late last night to write a message to a certain someone and I'm hoping for some kind of response now... but I don't think I'll be lucky enough to receive one. Still hoping, as there's nothing else I could do anymore :3 ...
(I'd prolly jump out of my 24 stories window anyway if i got an answer, so ... lol.)


Anyways... my life is pretty boring, nothing much is happening here and, yeah... well, university is a bitch °-°;;... I'm spending most of my time in the university buildings these days because my schedule just sucks hardcore. i basically only have the nights and weekends to enjoy myself... if it wasn't for all the... stuff... that needs to be studied. Like vocabulary... latin AND japanese... grammar and kanji and just SO MUCH FSKING STUFF. durrrr.
i managed to survive my first two semesters without big problems, tho... and i hope to be able to keep up the tradition.
many friends i've made over this past year have stopped studying japanese or just didn't manage to pass the exams, and that doesn't exactly make everything more enjoyable... anyways, i still have people to hang around with and to distract me when distraction is needed :3 ...

Noi made a new header for me <3. in case you guys don't know the quote, it's by the famous person called Friedrich Nietzsche. thanks noi <3.
music has become an even more important factor in my life than it already had been in the past... i think i'd go insane if i couldn't drown out all the noise around me on my way through köln... and i regret it very much that i am not able to walk around with my eyes shut constantly. people suck, really.

Maybe lucky~ maybe lucky~
I dare say I'm lucky~


it's been a while since i've had such an exhausting day, really. not physically exhausting, but mentally.

my car was almost being towed away because i hadn't paid the car park guy *rofl*... i was this close to paying a 500euro fee. °^°!!
anyways, after that i was late for university and only barely made it in time.
wish i didn't.
( if you're feeling extremely happy right now, don't read.  )